When I was young...
by Laura Snape
Summary: A story of Snape's past... and his future.


When I was young.  
  
Severus Snape looked around him and drank everything in. The people, the platform, the huge red train gleaming in front of him, "Hogwarts Express" splashed boldly across the front of it. It was so. exciting! That was the only word that described how he felt standing on Platform 9¾ ready for his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had been ecstatic when he received his letter. Nobody thought that he, Severus Snape, would ever amount to much. He hadn't shown much signs of wizardry from an early age like the other children. but he had gotten his letter, hadn't he? He would prove everyone wrong; he would be the best wizard in the school! Severus smiled happily to himself and looked around the platform again. There were hundreds of boys and girls, from first year to seventh year, saying goodbye to their parents. Some of the boys and girls were crying and holding on to their parents as if it were air; the only thing keeping them alive, some were shouting a quick "'bye!" and hopping on to the train with their friends and some were looking very embarrassed as their parents hugged them, desperate to get away. these were the people that annoyed Severus. He knew he shouldn't be jealous or angry, but it was so hard. every boy and every girl standing on the platform had somebody. except him. there were Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins. The person who had brought him to the platform had left long ago. The Mothers and Fathers who had seen his guardian gave him a pitiful, sad smile every time they caught his eye and Severus smiled back. This behaviour was old to him, he was used to it.  
  
Severus snapped out of his reverie, when he realised that the platform was quickly emptying of students- everyone was beginning to board the train. Severus bent down to pick up his small trunk, which carried what little possessions he had, when he was painfully knocked to the ground by a hard blow to his hip.  
  
"Sirius!" He heard an angry, yet anxious, voice yell.  
  
Severus looked up from where he had painfully fallen to the ground, the tears stinging his eyes as he blinked them away. He was used to doing that, he thought remorsefully. Standing above him, there were three tall boys and one short, pudgy one. The short boy had a big box in his fat little hands and the words: "Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans" were emblazoned across the front.  
  
One of the boys grinned at the sight of Severus lying pained on the ground.  
  
"Sorry," he said, obviously not meaning it, "I didn't see you there! Not surprising really."  
  
The boy was cut off by one of his friends who warningly said: "Sirius!" And then he turned back to Severus.  
  
"Are you okay? We were messing around and Sirius crashed into you before he had a chance to stop himself. Here take my hand."  
  
The boy reached down and helped Severus up and Severus smiled gratefully. "Thank you." He smiled again.  
  
The boy who had helped Severus up was about to say something more when an ear-piercing whistle sounded throughout the platform.  
  
"That's the warning whistle! We'd better get on the train now or it'll leave with out us!" The short pudgy boy stated worriedly.  
  
Severus reached down to pick up his case again and a sharp pain shot through his hip. His forehead creased for a moment but then it smoothed again. He would just ignore the pain. It was nothing new. he'd be okay.  
  
The four boys walked ahead of Severus and he started to follow unsure. They were obviously friends; they might not want him in their group. Severus' qualms were left to rest when the boy who had helped him up turned around and said:  
  
"Come on, you can get into our compartment."  
  
Severus smiled, hurried towards the boy and they got on the train together.  
  
~*~  
  
The boy walked ahead of Severus and followed his three friends into the compartment. Severus stood at the door of the compartment still unsure that they would welcome him. The boy who he had followed turned around, clearly looking for him.  
  
"Come on!" he said. "Come in!"  
  
The boy took Severus' case and slung it into the overhead luggage rack with the other bags, surprise showing on his face at the light weight of the case. He said nothing however, and he simply turned back to Severus, who was still standing at the door of the compartment.  
  
"Come in and sit beside me." He said sitting down in one of the four two- seaters in the compartment.  
  
Severus went and sat down beside the boy.  
  
"Now we're settled," the boy started, "I'm James Potter. In front of you is my best mate, Sirius Black and our friend Remus Lupin. Over there is Peter Pettigrew." Severus looked at each one in turn and his gaze landed on Peter, who was sitting in a two-seater by himself- one seat for him and one seat for his hoard of sweets. He clearly wasn't sharing.  
  
"What's your name?" James asked.  
  
Severus turned back to James. "I'm Severus Snape, I'm pleased to meet you." Severus' head turned, as he heard what was undoubtedly a stifled laugh- no, two stifled laughs. Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were trying unconvincingly to hide their laughter by coughing uncontrollably. Remus elbowed Sirius and James gave Peter a cold stare. The two boys stopped laughing immediately but the ghost of a smirk still played its way across Sirius' face.  
  
"We're pleased to meet you too." Remus smiled, but it wasn't a smirk like Sirius', it was a genuine pleased- to- meet- you, smile.  
  
Severus smiled back, glad of the acceptance.  
  
The train lurched forward catching Severus unawares and he slammed his hip against the armrest on the seat. He shut his eyes tightly warding away the pain.  
  
"The train's moving! We're on the way!" Peter yelled and a red spray of liquorice found it's way down his chin.  
  
Severus knew that no one had seen his pained expression and he was glad. He wasn't up to answering questions about himself just yet.  
  
The four boys opened the windows to shout their "goodbye!"s as the train began to make its journey to Hogwarts. Severus could hear the students in the other compartments doing the same. James turned away from the window to see Severus sitting quietly in his seat.  
  
"Severus?" he said. "Don't you want to say goodbye to your parents?"  
  
Severus had nothing to say so he just smiled sadly. James looked at him puzzled for a moment and then turned back to the window. Severus listened to the Mothers and Fathers saying goodbye to their children as the train began to leave the station. Some children were shouting out the window and he caught snatches of what they said:  
  
"Mum! I've forgotten my wand! Mum! Oh, here it is!"  
  
"Dad, don't forget to feed Snowball!"  
  
"Don't you dare forget my birthday!"  
  
"Bye, Jason!"  
  
And lastly Severus heard what were undoubtedly the words of Peter Pettigrew: "Mummy! Daddy! Send lots of sweets! I've almost finished my winter stash!" Severus looked over at the forlorn- looking empty boxes strewn across Peter's seat. Indeed he had.  
  
Soon, the family members were out of sight and the boys slumped back in their seats, happy they were finally on their way.  
  
Sirius looked over at Severus, who hadn't moved from where he was sitting.  
  
"Why didn't you say goodbye to your parents?" he asked insquisiviately. "I mean, you won't see them again until Christmas!" Sirius added a dramatic flourish to his words by resting his hand against his forehead and raising his eyes to heaven. But despite Sirius' joking spin on his words, four pairs of curious eyes were on Severus. He didn't like being the centre of attention like this. he had to get out. "Excuse me," he said hurriedly, "I. I. I have to go to the bathroom." Severus got up from his seat and blindly made his way to the compartment door, tears once again threatening to spill.  
  
~*~  
  
Severus found the boys bathroom on board the train and pushed the door open. There was no one there. He was alone.  
  
He made his way towards the line of basins in the cramped toilet and splashed water onto his face. A stinging pain screamed prominently from the side of his face. He had forgotten about that.  
  
Severus found some toilet paper and dried his face carefully. Then he inspected himself in the oval mirror in front of him.  
  
Long, greasy hair, big nose, sallow skin and strikingly black eyes. Along with those. interesting. features he was small and extremely skinny for a boy of ten. In fact, he would go so far as to say that he was underweight. No wonder that Black and that Pettigrew had laughed at him. He was a. freak.  
  
Severus turned his attention back to his face but not before mentally shaking himself. He should not pity himself. He was far, far luckier than most.  
  
Severus pushed the hair that hung limply over his face behind his left ear, and then he bit his lip. A long, red, painful- looking gash leading from his left temple down to the bottom of his chin was exposed once his curtain of greasy, black hair had been pushed away. And, as he had suspected, it was bleeding again. Severus grabbed another piece of toilet roll and ran water over it, and then he began to dab carefully at the large gash, pain searing through his head as the blood was dabbed away. Tears sprang to his eyes, but he refused to let them spill. To avert his attention from his excruciating task, Severus began to recite the twelve uses of Dragons blood. And, in doing this, he did not hear the door as it open behind him.  
  
"There stands an educated man!" a cheery voice called out.  
  
Severus jumped so violently that his thumbnail caught the painful gash and a searing pain shot through his head as another gush of blood made it's way down his white skin.  
  
This time, he could not fight the tears and salty teardrops ran down his pale features as the throbbing pain banged in his head. The man saw what had happened to the young boy and he stepped into the brighter light beside Severus. It was Albus Dumbledore.  
  
Severus gasped in awe and respect of his new Headmaster and quickly tried to hide his bloodied, tear- stained face. He was ashamed enough of crying in front of another person, but this wasn't just any another person, it was Professor Dumbledore.  
  
"Hello." Professor Dumbledore said softly. "What happened to you my boy?" Severus knew his manners. He had no choice but to look at the man standing beside him.  
  
"Hello, sir." He sniffed. "Its."  
  
"You haven't been fighting have you?" Dumbledore asked. His voice was still kind but there was a stern question in it.  
  
"Oh, no sir!" Severus replied. "I was leaving my. my. my house today and. and I tripped on the carpet and grazed my head off the corner of a. a table. It's just started to bleed again, but I'm quite alright."  
  
Dumbledores blue eyes twinkled, for a reason unbeknownst to Severus and then the Headmaster spoke.  
  
"Well, my boy, we better get you cleaned up. You don't want to arrive at Hogwarts like this do you?"  
  
Severus shook his head- 'no'- and the Headmaster smiled brightly.  
  
"Right," he said, "I'm afraid I've left my wand in my compartment, but I do happen to have a rather handy supply of bandages. Push your hair back and I'll clean you up."  
  
"Sir," Severus said quietly, "you don't have to, I'll be okay. You don't need."  
  
"Now," said Dumbledore gently, his blue eyes sparkling, " a little help never hurt anybody, whether they be witch or wizard or Muggle."  
  
Severus nodded and obediently pushed his hair behind his left ear again.  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "Nasty." he murmured and then he began to clean Severus' cut. Dumbledore was just in the process of applying the bandage to the left side of Severus' face when he spoke again.  
  
"By the way, what is your name, son?"  
  
Severus smiled sadly at that word- son. It had been a long time since he had been anybody's son.  
  
"My name is Severus Snape, sir." Severus replied, when he noticed the questioning look in the Headmaster's eyes. "I'm very pleased to meet you."  
  
Dumbledore finished sticking the bandage carefully to Severus' face and he said: "Severus, your parents weren't called Bruant and Aristide, by any chance, were they?" An excited look was in the older man's eyes.  
  
"Yes," said Severus surprised, the pain in his head forgotten for the moment. "How did you know?"  
  
"I was extremely good friends with your parents. Your Father, Bruant, was my best friend in Hogwarts and there after." Dumbledore smiled wistfully. "We met on the Hogwarts Express, we were Sorted into the same House and we were best friends from then on. Your Father met your Mother at Hogwarts- did you know?" Severus shook his head. He had never known that.  
  
Dumbledore smiled kindly at the young wizard before him. Severus had lost his parents so young, and they were wonderful people. Truly remarkable.  
  
"Well," said Dumbledore, after a moment of silence, "I expect you'll want to enjoy the rest of the journey with your friends."  
  
Severus looked up at the older wizard.  
  
"Yes, sir," he said. "Oh, and sir, thank you for helping me." Severus turned and left the small bathroom.  
  
"Good luck with the Sorting!" Dumbledore called out and then, Severus was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
Severus peered into a pane of glass before going back to his compartment. The bandage was clearly visible, even behind his mop of jet-black hair. He sighed. There would no doubt be questions from the other boys. They couldn't help but miss the thick bandage stuck to the side of his head. Severus sighed again and then turned toward his compartment door, and entered.  
  
~*~  
  
Four heads turned toward Severus as he walked into the compartment. Severus quietly shut the door and took his seat all the while ignoring the four pairs of eyes bearing into his head.  
  
"Hey," he said quietly. "What are you talking about?"  
  
James was the first to speak.  
  
"Quidditch!" he said, enthusiastically. "It's the best sport in the world! Sirius and me were at the Quidditch World Cup Final during the summer. That's where we met Remus and Peter."  
  
"Did you go to the Final, Severus?" Remus asked.  
  
"No." Severus answered; glad his parents and his thick bandage were not the topic of conversation. But, he did sense something. He had a feeling James had warned Sirius off the topic of his parents and the four boys were clearly ignoring the obviousness of his bandage.  
  
"Did you have a good time?" he asked.  
  
Remus, Sirius, James and even Peter launched into stories of Golden Snitches, Bières Meuse, the star Quidditch player and something called the Wronsky Feint. Severus listened to their stories. Although he didn't understand half the things they were talking about, he wished he could have been with them. They had all had a great time together camping, playing Quidditch and watching the final match. It sounded great.  
  
"Do you play Quidditch, Severus?" James asked.  
  
Severus had never played, and he told them so. Four astounded faces stared back at him.  
  
"You've never, ever played?" Sirius asked in disbelief.  
  
"Never, ever." Severus answered with a grin.  
  
"Well," said Peter, "You'd better start practising. Hogwarts has four Quidditch teams and James here is sure to get on his. He's really good."  
  
Sirius and Remus nodded in agreement. James was clearly the most popular in the group.  
  
"I'm not." He said modestly. But Sirius, Remus and Peter clearly didn't agree.  
  
"Yes you are!" said Sirius. "You're the best Seeker I know! You'll definitely make your House team!"  
  
"I thought first years weren't allowed to join their House teams." Severus said, puzzled.  
  
"Well, this year there will be an exception." Remus said. And everybody agreed.  
  
The conversation quickly turned from Quidditch to Houses.  
  
"What house would you like to be in, Severus?" James asked.  
  
Severus thought for a moment.  
  
"Well," he said, "I've heard Gryffindor and Slytherin are the two best Houses, so, one of those. I'm not sure which."  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"We all want to be in Gryffindor." He said, indicating, himself, Sirius, James and Peter.  
  
Severus nodded and drifted into thought as the conversation turned again. This time it turned to broomsticks. The ThunderBolt was this years fastest model. Severus didn't care about broomsticks. He was too concerned with the Houses. Which one would he be in?  
  
~*~  
  
The journey to Hogwarts was long and soon the gentle rock of the train had lulled everyone to sleep, except Severus and James. James never slept on trains and Severus couldn't sleep. His head was throbbing again and he was in excruciating pain.  
  
"Severus? Severus, are you awake?"  
  
Severus turned in his seat. James was looking at him.  
  
"Severus." James hesitated, as if he wasn't sure how to begin, and then he started again.  
  
"Look Severus," he said, "just ignore Sirius. He's a good friend, but sometimes he just doesn't get the message. Sometimes he can be a real idiot."  
  
Severus looked over at the sleeping Sirius.  
  
"It's okay, James." He said quietly. And before Severus could say anything more, James interrupted.  
  
"No, Severus," he said, "it's not okay. Sirius didn't even apologise for knocking you over. How's your hip, by the way?"  
  
James reached over and before Severus had time to say or do anything, James pulled up Severus' tattered jumper to look at his hip and he gasped.  
  
Severus' left hip was completely black and blue and James knew that it wasn't Sirius that had caused that damage. James' eyes were transfixed to Severus' hip. Who could do that brutal a damage to a young boy? What was going on with Severus?  
  
Severus quickly pulled down his jumper and looked away from James, at the ground. The questions were coming. He knew it.  
  
"Severus," James barely breathed, "what happened to you?"  
  
"I walked into the side of a door." Severus said quietly. "And I scraped my head off a table. I'm very clumsy!" Severus laughed quietly but James just shook his head.  
  
"Severus," he said. "Tell somebody. Whoever they are, they're far away now. They can't hurt you in Hogwarts."  
  
Severus sighed. Little did he know.  
  
~*~  
  
A long silence passed before Severus spoke again.  
  
"James? James?"  
  
James turned to the soft voice.  
  
"James." Severus hesitated. "You won't tell anyone, will you? Please, promise me."  
  
James looked at the boy before him. Severus was pleading with him. He'd have to promise.  
  
"Okay." He said. "I promise. But tell me Severus, what age are you?"  
  
Severus blinked at the question.  
  
"Ten." He said.  
  
"But you have to be eleven to come to Hogwarts." James said puzzled.  
  
"Yes," Severus answered. "I'm eleven in a month. The thirty- first of October."  
  
"Halloween." James said, with a smile. James quickly became serious again.  
  
"Tell me Severus," he said quietly, "do you think it's right for ten year olds to be walking around with black and blue hips, clearly in agony, and for them never to tell anyone?"  
  
James' eyes bore into Severus'.  
  
"No." Severus answered quietly.  
  
James nodded. That was what he had wanted to hear.  
  
"Severus," James said, "I made you a promise now you make me one."  
  
Severus nodded.  
  
"Don't let this happen again." James said.  
  
Severus nodded.  
  
"I promise I won't let it happen again." He said.  
  
James nodded, satisfied. He had missed Severus' fingers, crossed behind his back. Severus knew he could never promise something like that; he'd never be able to keep his promise.  
  
~*~  
  
The rest of the journey passed quickly. The tea lady came, Sirius woke up and brought a cauldron cake and fell asleep again before he ate it, Peter woke up and ate the cake and then, he too, fell asleep again. Remus woke up and talked to James and Severus and finally a shout was heard on the train.  
  
"We're almost there everyone!" a voice shouted. It was probably a Prefect.  
  
"Please change into your school robes and then sit down. The train shall be stopping soon!"  
  
A cheer could be heard and Sirius and Peter were woken up.  
  
Sirius, Remus, James and Peter changed into their brand new school robes and Severus self-consciously changed into tattered hand-me-down robes. A glance was exchanged between the four friends but nobody said a word. Then, the five boys sat down, excitement once again taking over.  
  
"We're almost there!" James sang happily. "I can't wait!"  
  
"Neither can I!" said Sirius. "I'm starving! Hey, where's my cauldron cake?"  
  
Three pairs of eyes turned in Peter's direction and Sirius was on him like a shot.  
  
"What did you eat my cake for you fat lump?" Sirius shouted at Peter. "I."  
  
Nobody ever found out what Sirius had been about to say because Peter jumped on him and the two boys rolled around the floor fighting.  
  
"Don't call me fat!" Peter yelled.  
  
The boys rolled around taking swings at one another and then they crashed into James.  
  
Both boys stopped fighting as James fell to the floor. A distant 'crack' could be heard as James' glasses fell off his face and smashed on the hard surface of the train floor. There was a silence in the small compartment.  
  
Then everyone began to talk at once.  
  
"James! Are you okay?"  
  
"James, I'm sorry."  
  
"Here, take my hand."  
  
Severus said this last sentence and James blindly took his hand. Remus picked James' glasses up from off the floor. The glass was completely shattered in the right eyepiece.  
  
"Uh, sorry James." Remus said, hesitantly, "but your glasses are completely shattered."  
  
A look of despair came over James' face.  
  
"Oh no!" he moaned. "And I didn't even bring my spare pair!"  
  
"Hold on a second."  
  
Everyone turned to Severus who was in the process of taking his case from the overhead luggage rack. Severus opened the case, took something out and closed his case again. He held up the object. It was a wand.  
  
Severus took James' glasses from Remus and swished his wand in the air.  
  
"Reparo."  
  
Everyone marvelled as the glasses quickly repaired themselves. It was like watching a Muggle video- when you can rewind the action on the screen.  
  
Severus calmly handed the glasses back to James who slowly put them on.  
  
"They. they work!" he cried.  
  
Four pairs of eyes looked at Severus in amazement.  
  
"Where did you learn to do that?" Remus asked. "That's something you learn in third year! I mean, I don't even know how to hold a wand let alone use one!"  
  
"Standard Book of Spells- Volume 3." Severus answered. "I was looking through it during the summer."  
  
"That's so cool!" James said. "I know who'll be helping me with my homework!"  
  
Everyone laughed and James spoke to Severus again.  
  
"Anyway, thanks for fixing my glasses!" he said gratefully. "Hopefully I'll be as good at magic as you are by the end of the year! I."  
  
James was cut off by a loud voice.  
  
"Students! Please get your cases together- we have arrived at Hogsmeade Station!"  
  
A loud cheer erupted and the students began to file out of the train on their way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
~*~  
  
A large man who said his name was Hagrid met the first years at the station. He brought them to a large river that was the last part of the young students journey to Hogwarts. The river had several small boats at the side of it. There were three students to a boat so Severus got into a small, brown boat with James and Sirius. Remus and Peter got into a small, black boat with somebody they knew. When everyone had settled themselves in a boat the journey across the river began.  
  
~*~  
  
Hagrid pushed open the giant mahogany doors and the new first years entered the grand entrance hall of Hogwarts. Hagrid left them and a new teacher arrived. The teacher pushed open the huge doors of the Great Hall and the students entered.  
  
~*~  
  
"Black, Sirius."  
  
Sirius stepped up towards the old stool in front of him and he sat on it. The tattered old Sorting Hat was placed on his head and after a few moments the hat shouted out:  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
After a few more students "Lupin, Remus" was called.  
  
"Go Gryffindor!" James whispered and Remus smiled.  
  
And indeed the verdict was the same.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
Remus walked proudly towards the Gryffindor table and took a seat opposite Sirius.  
  
"Pettigrew, Peter" was the next one of the friends to be called out. Peter walked towards the stool, sat on it, the hat was placed on his head, and after a few whispered moments of: "No! I don't want to be in Hufflepuff!" Peter was also Sorted into Gryffindor. He smiled happily and took a seat next to Remus at the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Potter, James" was called three students after Peter. He turned to Severus before walking towards the old Sorting Hat.  
  
"I'll see you at the Gryffindor table!" he whispered to Severus and then James too, was Sorted into Gryffindor.  
  
James smiled reassuringly as he walked by Severus and took his place at the Gryffindor table next to Sirius.  
  
After "Quills, Maurice", "Redding, Ponsnobby", "Ruttyl, Frank" and "Sabre, Lim" it was finally "Snape, Severus' " turn.  
  
Severus nervously sat on the small stool and a stern looking teacher placed the old, tattered, brown hat on his head.  
  
Severus almost jumped as the hat began to speak.  
  
"Well, well, well," the hat growled in his ear, "what do we have here? A bright boy. yes, yes, knows all his spells and Potions. brave. hmm. a lot of suppressed, undeveloped rage. that could be good you know- concealed rage. yes. it could make you. then again. it could destroy you. yes. yes. I think it will have to be."  
  
Severus looked out from under the brim of the hat. James and Remus were looking at him expectantly.  
  
The hat had made its decision. It was Gry.  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
~*~  
  
Hey everyone! I know I should be working on "Severus' Secret" but I got started on this and. well, here it is! So, what do you think? Should I continue? I have plenty more to add. The story goes right up to the present- day Severus Snape and finishes with a twist, so if you would like me to finish please leave a review. Thanks, Laura! 


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